What to do when fiancé's parents are insisting on a prenup

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I are recently engaged. We’ve never really discussed finances and have kept most everything related to money separate. We split the cost of living expenses, even when we go out for dinner. After the engagement, he told me that his parents are insisting that I sign a prenup as apparently they have a lot of wealth and, unknown to me, so does he. He insists that he trusts me enough to marry me without a prenup and that it’s all his parents’ doing. I’m a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. It’s not that I’m against signing one, I’m just not sure what it means and how it will impact our relationship.

Signed, Prenup Apprehension

Finances, Pre-maritalLori KretSeptember 24, 2021Aspen Relationship Instituterelationship advice, premarital counseling, premarital coaching, arguing over prenup, in-laws insisting on prenupComment

How do I know if she is the one?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My girlfriend of 3 years is dropping some not-so-subtle hints that she’s ready to get engaged. She’s great and I love her, but I’m not ready to make that commitment to her yet. I’m not totally sure why. I’m in my mid 30’s and it’s not that I don’t want to settle down, in reality I feel like I’ve already done that with her in this relationship. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to know if she’s the one I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life. I’m attracted to her, and we have a lot in common, but not everything. I feel like I should just know if she’s the one, and I don’t. What do I do?

Signed, Is She The One?

Dating, Pre-maritalLori KretNovember 4, 2020Aspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, relationship coaching, premarital counseling, premarital coaching, relationship advice, should i propose, dating advice blog, relationship blog, relationship advice blog, is she the one, should we get married, when to get engaged, girlfriend ready for marriage, not ready for marriageComment

Nuptials on pause for pandemic? Take the time to ask hard questions

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My fiancé and I had decided to get married this summer but because of the pandemic, we’ve been forced to postpone the wedding. The process of rescheduling has been frustrating but manageable. However, now with the delay, my fiancé has gotten cold feet. He said maybe this was a sign that we weren’t “supposed” to get married. It seems like he’s just looking for a way out. What should I do?

Signed, COVID’s Ruining My Wedding

Pre-maritalLori KretAugust 6, 2020Aspen Relationship Instituterelationship counseling, couples counseling, couples coaching, premarital counseling, premarital coaching, relationship advice, relationship advice blog, covid engagement, postponed wedding covid, Covid dating, cold feet, wedding postponed, reschedule weddingComment

Is conflict with fiancé's kids a dealbreaker?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve recently gotten engaged to the love of my life and can’t wait to officially begin a new life with him. There is one issue that’s giving me cold feet—the two boys from his previous marriage. I’ve tried so hard to have them accept me, not as a replacement for their mother, but as someone who’s important to their dad. No matter what I do, they are rude and sarcastic to me and make me feel like I have no business being part of their family. I am kind, supportive, forgiving and understanding but I get none of that in return. My fiancée understands what I’m going through but is reluctant to step in and defend me when it’s obvious they’ve crossed the line. Is this a big enough reason to put off the wedding or should I keep trying to integrate into their lives?

Signed, Cold Feet

Boundaries, Parenting, Pre-maritalLori KretJanuary 27, 2020Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, fiance's kids are rude, blended family, fiance's kids don't like me, conflict with fiance's kids, marrying someone with children, becoming a step-parent, step-children are awefulComment

New Year healthy relationship guide

Dear Friends,

Welcome to 2020! The beginning of a new year offers a wonderful opportunity to reflect on who you are in your relationship today, and how you’ve come to be here. Every relationship cycles through periods of tension, resolution, flow and stagnation. Though many partners have an appreciation for the times of ease and steadiness, it’s the experience of evolving that keeps most of us feeling fulfilled in our relationships.

Connection, HolidayLori KretJanuary 18, 2020Aspen Relationship Instituterelationship coaching, couples counseling, relationship advice, premarital counseling, new year relationship resolution, new year marriage advice, how to assess relationship, what is a healthy relaitonship, how to have a good relationship, is my relationship healthyComment

Manage the stress of visiting in-laws during the holiday

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and I’m feeling really stressed. I’ve recently gotten engaged, and can’t wait to get married. But I am at my wits’ end with trying to figure out how to have a positive relationship with my future mother-in-law. She constantly compares me to my fiancé’s ex-wife, whom she adores, and still has a relationship with. It seems every time I’m in the same room as her she makes backhanded comments to and about me. He reassures me how much he loves me and that his mom just needs time to get to know me, but the more I’m around her, the less I want a relationship with her. He has a really close family, and it’s important to him that I make an effort. Help!

Signed, Future MIL Hates Me

In-LawsLori KretDecember 2, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, relationship advice, holiday with in-laws, conflict with in-laws, MIL-DIL, MIL-DIL relationship, fiance's family doesn't accept me, future MIL doesn't like meComment

Communication problems start when partners try to be right

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have been together for about three years and we still can’t seem to have a discussion about anything important without it ending up in a fight. I feel as though I speak in a calm and neutral way, but she accuses me of being stubborn and aggressive. I am simply stating my side of the issue and believe I’m open to hearing hers, but often don’t think she ever takes into account that I might be right. We’ve gotten to the point where we just don’t talk about anything of substance in fear that it will erupt into an argument. How do we get back on the same page?

Signed, Communication Breakdown

CommunicationLori KretAugust 15, 2019Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, couples coaching, premarital counseling, relationship advice, Communication problems, help communicating, marriage conflict, not communicating well, fighting about everythingComment

New Year 2019: An invitation to reflect on your relationship

A letter to our readers:

We know, first hand, how easy it is to be swept up in the magic of the new year with festivities, friends and fresh starts. But we’d like to take this opportunity to invite you to sink a little deeper into what this joyous time really provides—opportunities for reflection and reconnection. Much of our work focuses on trying to understand what makes great relationships crumble. Time and time again, we observed complacency as a silent source of erosion. We could write chapters on why—fears, vulnerabilities, resentments, comfort and taking each other for granted are just a few. But for all of us in an intimate relationship, being able to recognize complacency and choosing to love a little more actively is a powerful game changer.

Connection, HolidayLori KretDecember 25, 2018Aspen Relationship Institutemarriage counseling, relationship counseling, relationship coaching, premarital counseling, relationship advice, new year relationship resolutionComment

Valentine's Edition: How To Keep Passion and Connection Alive in Your Relationship

Last month, with the start of the new year, we offered a few tips and tools to strengthen the fabric of your relationship. As Valentine’s Day approaches, we invite you to enhance your bond by playing with passion.