How to move beyond conflict stalemates with your spouse

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been married for four years. For the first three years, we had normal ups and downs, but now we’ve gotten to the point where I think he needs to make some significant changes in how he shows up in the relationship and he says the same about me. The resentment has been growing on both sides and now neither one of us seems willing to budge enough to appease the other. How can we move forward without either of us having to feel like we’re just giving in?

Signed, Stuck In A Rut

Wife keeps rehashing the past and won't let it go

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife of two years and I seem to have very different ways of dealing with conflicts in our marriage. I am able to get over things pretty quickly and move on but my wife seems to hold on and can’t let go. Even when she seems to have moved on, she inevitably brings things back up as ammunition for an argument or conflict we’re having in the present. I’ve told her many times that this kind of behavior doesn't work for me and she promises to work on it but she never does. Any ideas?

Signed, I Wish She’d Get Over It

Communication problems start when partners try to be right

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have been together for about three years and we still can’t seem to have a discussion about anything important without it ending up in a fight. I feel as though I speak in a calm and neutral way, but she accuses me of being stubborn and aggressive. I am simply stating my side of the issue and believe I’m open to hearing hers, but often don’t think she ever takes into account that I might be right. We’ve gotten to the point where we just don’t talk about anything of substance in fear that it will erupt into an argument. How do we get back on the same page?

Signed, Communication Breakdown

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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