Healthy communication requires knowing when to listen and when to offer advice

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I am really struggling with my husband who is a great guy but most of the time just doesn’t understand me. Whenever I ask to talk with him about something that’s bothering me, he jumps right in and tries to fix it without fully hearing what I have to say. While I appreciate his desire to help me, he seems to have no idea of how I’m feeling or what I’m actually going through. How can I get him to listen to me without needing to fix it every time?

Signed, Not Looking For A Handyman

How to deal with In-laws political views

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My wife has a very close relationship with her mother. Her father passed away several years ago, and her mother moved closer to us to be near us and our children. She has been a significant help in taking care of our kids, which has allowed my wife and I to keep our full time careers. However, my relationship with her has eroded due to our opposing political views. I cannot understand how she can maintain certain beliefs as they seem so narrow-minded. She has expressed feeling the same way about me. My wife is not very interested in politics, but is feeling angry for being put in the middle of this conflict. I feel stuck. My kids love their grandmother and we need her help, but I’m struggling to respect her as a person.

Signed, Stuck Son-In-Law

Manage anger by being more open and vulnerable

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’m finding that in the past several months, my fuse has gotten much shorter and I’ve been reacting to my wife with a higher level of anger and frustration than I ever have in the past. I’ve often felt like my wife can be a bit harsh and critical but I’ve always been able to deal with her comments before. Maybe it’s that we’re spending more time together because of COVID but I think it has more to do with a tipping point where I’ve just simply had enough. She says I need to get anger management help, which makes me feel like it’s all my fault. I think we need marriage counseling, which she refuses to do. What should I do?

Signed, Waning Wick

Wife stopped putting effort into her appearance

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife is a beautiful, amazing, multifaceted woman. We’ve been together 8 years and throughout our relationship she would play hard and get dirty just as often as she would put on a dress. Since COVID hit, I’ve really only seen her in sweats. I completely understand why—there hasn’t been much reason to dress up, and with all the stress it’s nice to just be comfortable. We still have fun together, but I miss relating with my feminine, sexy wife. I’m not expecting make-up and heels, but is there a way I can encourage her to wear something other than her daytime pajamas once in a while?

Signed, Sick of Sweats

For great sex, make sure your partner knows what you like and want

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been together for almost six years and I still love him every bit as much as I did when we got married two years ago. The problem is that I’ve become less and less interested in sex with him as time has gone by. He’s a great guy, stable and responsible and attractive, but I sometimes fantasize about being swept away by some mysterious lover who can better fulfill my needs. I would never risk losing what we have or hurting him by leaving or having an affair but I know something has to change. Help!

Signed, Fifty Shades of Fantasy

Husband's work travel creating more conflict

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband travels often for business, which in itself is not an issue. He loves his work, and I enjoy having my independence while he’s gone. Where we struggle is the adjustment period each time he comes back home. For several days we seem like oil and water before we find our groove. Once we’re back in sync our relationship is great, but these good periods are too fleeting because the next flight is always just around the corner. I’m sad that we waste so much time being short with each other. How can we reconnect more quickly to enjoy more of our time together?

Signed, Up in the Air

How to move beyond conflict stalemates with your spouse

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband and I have been married for four years. For the first three years, we had normal ups and downs, but now we’ve gotten to the point where I think he needs to make some significant changes in how he shows up in the relationship and he says the same about me. The resentment has been growing on both sides and now neither one of us seems willing to budge enough to appease the other. How can we move forward without either of us having to feel like we’re just giving in?

Signed, Stuck In A Rut

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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