Wife is unsupportive of my new healthy lifestyle

Dear Jeff and Lori:

My wife doesn’t want me to be healthy. When we met 12 years ago, we loved spending our free time having happy hour beers or grabbing burgers with friends. When we moved to the valley a few years ago, it was a shock to see how active the community is. For me, it was a welcome change. I wasn’t feeling great in my body with the extra weight I was carrying, and drinking in my 40’s was wearing on me much more than it had in my 20’s. I jumped in pretty quickly to biking and hiking and learned how to ski. I’ve invited my wife every step of the way, but instead of joining me, she just complains that I’ve changed and don’t want to spend time with her. I also think she tries to sabotage me by constantly offering me junk food when I’ve asked her a hundred times not too. When I try to tell her how great I feel after losing the weight and getting fit, she tells me I’m shaming her for being overweight. I don’t want to have to choose between taking care of myself and my marriage. What should I do?

Signed, Fighting For Fitness

Manage anger by being more open and vulnerable

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’m finding that in the past several months, my fuse has gotten much shorter and I’ve been reacting to my wife with a higher level of anger and frustration than I ever have in the past. I’ve often felt like my wife can be a bit harsh and critical but I’ve always been able to deal with her comments before. Maybe it’s that we’re spending more time together because of COVID but I think it has more to do with a tipping point where I’ve just simply had enough. She says I need to get anger management help, which makes me feel like it’s all my fault. I think we need marriage counseling, which she refuses to do. What should I do?

Signed, Waning Wick

Why are relationships so hard?

In the past few months, we've received several questions about why relationships are so hard.

It would be convenient to simply say that men are from Mars and women are Venus and the differences in our modes of operation and emotional needs create all of the challenges in relationships. While these gender differences do play a part in the struggle, we've found that same-sex relationships are just as challenging, even with both partners being from the same planet. Our beliefs around why relationships are so hard have more to do with a couple's ability and motivation to adapt to the many transitions that occur during the evolution of most relationships.

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

Aspen Relationship Institute

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