How to manage family conflict during the holidays

Dear Lori and Jeff,

With the holidays quickly approaching I thought I’d reach out to see if you can help with an ongoing issue. My wife and I traditionally spend Thanksgiving with my family, but based on how things usually go, I’m already feeling anxious about it. Both of our families have their issues, but mine seems to escalate into not only frustration and annoyance with my family members but with my wife as well. She never seems to understand what’s going on and that the emotional space I retreat to has very little to do with her and all to do with my family, especially my mom.

Signed, Holiday Hesitant

New Year healthy relationship guide

Dear Friends,

Welcome to 2020! The beginning of a new year offers a wonderful opportunity to reflect on who you are in your relationship today, and how you’ve come to be here. Every relationship cycles through periods of tension, resolution, flow and stagnation. Though many partners have an appreciation for the times of ease and steadiness, it’s the experience of evolving that keeps most of us feeling fulfilled in our relationships.

Wife spends too much on kids Christmas presents

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My wife and I have two kids. We regularly talk about parenting, and usually discuss how we’re going to handle upcoming situations, which is why I’m now completely at a loss for how to manage the current fight we’re having. My wife and I agreed in early November that we were going to buy a modest amount of useful and thoughtful presents for our kids this year. I believe the focus on the holidays should be more about family and gratitude than gifts. My wife said she agreed. I just recently learned that my wife went crazy buying clothes, toys and electronics for them. When I asked her to return some of the items, she said our children are good kids and deserve to be spoiled every now and then, and we have the money to do it. Her arguments are valid, but not to the point. I’m so frustrated with her. How do we resolve this so it doesn’t ruin Christmas?

Signed, Who’s the Grinch?

New Year 2019: An invitation to reflect on your relationship

A letter to our readers:

We know, first hand, how easy it is to be swept up in the magic of the new year with festivities, friends and fresh starts. But we’d like to take this opportunity to invite you to sink a little deeper into what this joyous time really provides—opportunities for reflection and reconnection. Much of our work focuses on trying to understand what makes great relationships crumble. Time and time again, we observed complacency as a silent source of erosion. We could write chapters on why—fears, vulnerabilities, resentments, comfort and taking each other for granted are just a few. But for all of us in an intimate relationship, being able to recognize complacency and choosing to love a little more actively is a powerful game changer.

Deepen Gratitude For Your Marriage In The New Year

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” - Simone Signoret

How to Navigate Politics at Holiday Gatherings

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I get along great with my husband’s parents. We often go to their home for the holidays because they live closer than my family. This year his sister is also coming, and she and I always end up arguing. We have very different political views and she is outspoken and unrelenting about hers. My husband says I always put him in the middle, and this year he’s asked me to manage it on my own. How do I do that when she’s constantly provoking me? The holidays are a special time for my husband and me, so I want to try to make it as enjoyable as possible.

Signed, Struggling Sister-in-law

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

Aspen Relationship Institute

Serving as relationship experts for: