Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’ve never fully clicked with my husband’s family. They are genuinely decent people with good hearts, but their way of interacting is just different from what I grew up with. They don’t live near us, so spending time together is concentrated into visits a few times a year, including over the holidays. This year they are coming to stay with us for over a week. I tried to share with my husband that 4-5 days was probably the most healthy amount of time and he agreed, but his parents insisted on coming for longer. They often bicker with one another and his mother makes little comments that feel judgmental of how I am as a wife and mother. When I share my experiences with my husband he validates that being around his parents can be stressful, but doesn’t ever actually stick up for me or set boundaries with them. Then I get frustrated with him. I don’t want this visit to end with us being upset with each other. Any advice would help.

Sincerely, In-law Overwhelm

Family/ SiblingsLori KretJanuary 15, 2024Aspen Relationship Instituteholiday with in-laws

How to manage family conflict during the holidays

Dear Lori and Jeff,

With the holidays quickly approaching I thought I’d reach out to see if you can help with an ongoing issue. My wife and I traditionally spend Thanksgiving with my family, but based on how things usually go, I’m already feeling anxious about it. Both of our families have their issues, but mine seems to escalate into not only frustration and annoyance with my family members but with my wife as well. She never seems to understand what’s going on and that the emotional space I retreat to has very little to do with her and all to do with my family, especially my mom.

Signed, Holiday Hesitant

How to begin healing sibling estrangement

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My younger sister and I have a tumultuous relationship bordering on estrangement. Our father passed away six years ago and I have been my mother’s primary caregiver since. I have asked my sister numerous times for help and she has never come through, always having an excuse for why she can’t. Our mother’s health has begun to decline rapidly and we’re all aware that her time here is quickly coming to an end. I’m feeling incredibly resentful and teetering on enraged that now all of a sudden, my sister is showing an interest in our mom. I truly believe it is only motivated by the inheritance she’s wanting to secure. I feel at a loss for what to do. We used to be close, and my mom wants nothing more than for us to be there for each other after she’s gone, but I don’t know how to trust her.

Signed, Seething Sister

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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