$What you do on a ‘break’ can fracture a relationship$

What you do on a ‘break’ can fracture a relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori

I had been dating my girlfriend for eight months when we decided to take a break in October. I love her, but we’ve had a few key problems from the beginning. We got to a point where we didn’t know how to stop arguing over these issues and thought a little time apart would help us re-center and get a little clarity on what we needed to make the relationship work. I went to Mexico with the intention of doing just that, but met a really cool woman while I was there. We spent a few weeks together and part of me is interested in getting to know her more. My problem is that when I came home, my girlfriend told me she loves me and is wanting to work on our relationship. I’m willing to put in the work with her to give it a real try, but I don’t know if I should tell her about this other woman I met. I won’t pursue a romantic relationship with her, but I don’t want to completely cut her friendship off either. What should I do?

Signed, Spill the Mexican Beans?

When to get back together after a break-up and when to walk away

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I recently went through a really tough and painful breakup. We had a huge blow-up fight about a month ago in which we erupted with every resentment, frustration and painful memory we had with one another. We both said that it was over and even though I didn’t want the relationship to end, I was willing to accept it. However, over the last two weeks, we’ve been spending time together and last night, after a few drinks, we slept together. It doesn’t feel like we’re back together, but we’re also not broken up. How do I figure out whether to try to make it work or to walk away?

Signed, Sort-Of-Maybe-Single

Don't stay in a relationship just because of the pandemic

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Over the past few months, my girlfriend and I have been realizing that maybe our relationship is nearing its end. We’ve been together for two years and still really care about each other, but neither of us has been really happy since the summer. We’ve both threatened to leave during arguments, but the truth is that going through a breakup and being single during a pandemic doesn’t sound great either. Do you think it’s wrong to stay together until the world gets back to some semblance of normal?

Signed, Waiting It Out

My recent ex is now sleeping with my frenemy

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My ex and I were together for two years. We ended it three weeks ago on good terms, both of us acknowledging that we weren’t ready for the next step toward marriage. We decided to try to maintain a friendship because we share a social circle, and we genuinely still like each other as people. But now I’m struggling because I learned that a week after we broke up he started sleeping with someone I know. She’s part of our group of friends but truthfully I’ve never really liked her. She tends to take little digs at me but plays it off as just joking. I can’t believe that of all people, my ex has to be with her, and so soon after we broke up. I know I can’t make him stop, so can you please help me figure out how to deal with being around them.

Signed, Mean Girl Got My Guy

When to end an on-again-off-again relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’m in my late 20’s and have been with my partner for 4 years. Twice in the last year we’ve broken up and gotten back together. Each time we decide to try again, it’s good for a few months, then one or both of us starts to question if this is really it. On paper, we seem like we’d be perfect together, we have similar interests, values, lifestyles and goals. We don’t have any big issues, but we seem to bicker all the time about the small stuff. I’m at a place in my life of being ready to get married, and I can’t do this back and forth with him anymore. I need to make a decision to go all in or get out for good. Can you help me figure out how to choose?

Signed, Should I Stay?

How much time to give boyfriend who's still growing up?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve been dating a really nice guy for a couple of years but I think it may be time for me to move on. When we first met, he was unemployed and smoked a lot of pot, not usually my “type” but he was really fun to hang out with and has an infectious personality. He said he had plans to make big changes in his life and has had some promising opportunities but continuously puts things off or sabotages them, saying it wasn’t the right thing or the right time. He still relies on his parents for money and spends most of his time at my place because his place is a mess. The bottom line is that he’s not taking care of himself or contributing to the growth of our relationship but I can’t seem to break things off.

Signed, Should I Move On?

Avoid the "Backslide": How to move on from an ex

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago after a two-year relationship. We seem to run into each other fairly often as we share the same core group of friends. The problem is that on several occasions, we've ended up going home together, only to regret the decision in the morning. We've both promised not to let it happen again, but it does. How do we stop this cycle and move on?

Signed, Backslider

I can't stop stalking my ex on social media

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I think I'm losing it. I was in a two-year relationship that ended mutually about nine months ago. Even though we both decided it was best to move on, we thought we could try to be friends. For the first few months it was awkward, and then we just started drifting apart. It's been over a month since we've talked or seen each other. Part of me feels like it would be best to let this disconnection happen naturally and really move on. The problem is I can't stop checking his social media. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've stopped following him, but am still connected to his friends and family. Every time I see something in their feeds about him, I have the automatic reaction to go to his pages, and then I start going through every one of his posts and pictures. Help! How do I really let go?

Signed, Instagram Stalker

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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