Boyfriend didn't tell me our friend is his ex.

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We met when I moved to the valley from the west coast. I didn’t really know anyone in this new community and I really enjoyed his group of friends so I quickly became part of the gang. A few weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend had had a pretty intense relationship with one of the other women in the group but no one, including my boyfriend, bothered to tell me about it. I don’t feel like I need to know their entire history, but the parts that could affect me in the present day seem to be important information for me to have. He says it’s in the past and he no longer has feelings for her but I think I should have been told as our relationship became more serious. Any thoughts?

Signed, Unknowing Friend Of His Ex

When to get back together after a break-up and when to walk away

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I recently went through a really tough and painful breakup. We had a huge blow-up fight about a month ago in which we erupted with every resentment, frustration and painful memory we had with one another. We both said that it was over and even though I didn’t want the relationship to end, I was willing to accept it. However, over the last two weeks, we’ve been spending time together and last night, after a few drinks, we slept together. It doesn’t feel like we’re back together, but we’re also not broken up. How do I figure out whether to try to make it work or to walk away?

Signed, Sort-Of-Maybe-Single

My recent ex is now sleeping with my frenemy

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My ex and I were together for two years. We ended it three weeks ago on good terms, both of us acknowledging that we weren’t ready for the next step toward marriage. We decided to try to maintain a friendship because we share a social circle, and we genuinely still like each other as people. But now I’m struggling because I learned that a week after we broke up he started sleeping with someone I know. She’s part of our group of friends but truthfully I’ve never really liked her. She tends to take little digs at me but plays it off as just joking. I can’t believe that of all people, my ex has to be with her, and so soon after we broke up. I know I can’t make him stop, so can you please help me figure out how to deal with being around them.

Signed, Mean Girl Got My Guy

I can't stop stalking my ex on social media

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I think I'm losing it. I was in a two-year relationship that ended mutually about nine months ago. Even though we both decided it was best to move on, we thought we could try to be friends. For the first few months it was awkward, and then we just started drifting apart. It's been over a month since we've talked or seen each other. Part of me feels like it would be best to let this disconnection happen naturally and really move on. The problem is I can't stop checking his social media. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've stopped following him, but am still connected to his friends and family. Every time I see something in their feeds about him, I have the automatic reaction to go to his pages, and then I start going through every one of his posts and pictures. Help! How do I really let go?

Signed, Instagram Stalker

What To Do When Husband Still Talks To His Ex

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband continues to see an old girlfriend from time to time. I’ve told him it bothers me, but he says it’s my insecurities and I have nothing to worry about. I don’t understand why he keeps in contact with her. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. Who’s right?

Signed, Frustrated Wife

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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