How to manage different sexual styles between partners

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and although we don’t really have any specific problems with our relationship, we do seem to be diverging on what we want in the bedroom. We started out like most new couples, always wanting to be together and having trouble keeping our hands off each other. As time went on, I was hoping to have a deeper, more emotional sexual connection, but he seems to want the opposite—a much more rowdy and physical act. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally enjoy that, but I’d also like our intimacy to include a bit more feeling and tenderness. Is that too much to ask for?

Signed, Wanting More

Women just want to be friends with me

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I don’t understand women. I’m in my late 30’s, have a stable job and have great friends. I think I’m decent looking, am active, and take care of myself. I don’t understand why I’m still single. I’ve met a few really great women over the last year, but haven’t been able to keep a relationship with any of them. I feel like I try to be a really great partner. I’m always thinking about what my girlfriend might need and putting in the effort to let them know I care. But inevitably, after a few months, they say they think we should just be friends. Do I have to start being more of a jerk to keep a girlfriend?

Signed, Nice Guy Finishing Last

'Not Right Now' Really Means Not Anytime Ever

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’ve been dating a guy on and off for almost a year. I’m ready for a committed relationship, but every time I bring up being exclusive, he tells me it’s just not the right time. I love him and he says he cares about me. I’m always the person he comes to and confides in when he’s having a hard time, so I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to take our relationship to the next level. He keeps saying his life is too busy right now and he’s always got something going on that makes it difficult for us to spend time together. How do I get him past his resistance to commitment?

Signed, Tired of Waiting

How much time to give boyfriend who's still growing up?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I’ve been dating a really nice guy for a couple of years but I think it may be time for me to move on. When we first met, he was unemployed and smoked a lot of pot, not usually my “type” but he was really fun to hang out with and has an infectious personality. He said he had plans to make big changes in his life and has had some promising opportunities but continuously puts things off or sabotages them, saying it wasn’t the right thing or the right time. He still relies on his parents for money and spends most of his time at my place because his place is a mess. The bottom line is that he’s not taking care of himself or contributing to the growth of our relationship but I can’t seem to break things off.

Signed, Should I Move On?

If chemistry is missing, speak up

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’ve been dating a woman for a few months. We met at work and had just been friends for a while before we started dating. I wasn’t that attracted to her physically, but she continued to push for more. As time went on, I began to enjoy her company, and it evolved into a relationship. I’m struggling because at this point, I still don’t feel a real spark, and I find myself attracted to other women. I don’t want to hurt her, but am certain there’s not a long-term future for us. Should I just tell her I’m not ready for a serious relationship?

Signed, Looking for the Right Words

Stop dabbling in relationships and commit

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I can’t seem to find the right guy. I’ve dated some really great men but after about six-months, I realize they aren’t the one. Most of my friends are already married and say that I’m too picky but I know what I want and feel as though I should keep looking until I find it. The only problem is that I feel like I’m running out of time. What should I do?

Signed, Possibly Too Picky

How to feel close in a long-distance relationship

Dear Jeff and Lori,

I’m a middle-aged, divorced woman and have spent many years searching for Mr. Right. Six months ago I met an amazing man while he was on a business trip. We had instant chemistry, and spent almost every minute together before he had to return home. We’ve managed to see each other twice since then, and talk almost every day. I love him, but have never been in a long distance relationship before. Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

Signed, Miles Apart

Avoid the "Backslide": How to move on from an ex

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago after a two-year relationship. We seem to run into each other fairly often as we share the same core group of friends. The problem is that on several occasions, we've ended up going home together, only to regret the decision in the morning. We've both promised not to let it happen again, but it does. How do we stop this cycle and move on?

Signed, Backslider

Catching A Unicorn: Is she out of my league?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I recently met a woman who may be the "one." She is kind, beautiful and independent with a promising career. The only problem is I'm starting to think she's too good for me. I'm worried she'll eventually realize she can do better and want to move on. I find myself increasingly on edge, constantly trying to analyze what she's thinking and where I stand — things I've never really done before. How do I navigate this situation and not lose the woman of my dreams?

Signed, Maybe Not Enough

Hating Dating

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I was in a relationship for longer than I should have been — mostly because I was dreading the idea of dating. When I first became single again, there was definitely a part of me that was excited by the idea of having the opportunity to meet attractive, single women. But actually having to date has been really frustrating and disappointing. I hate the idea of having to sell myself, and dating apps and sites seem so superficial and fake. I'm also past the bar-hopping phase in my life and am not looking for drunken one-night stands. I want a relationship. I've worked hard to establish a good life with a job I love, and am ready to share my passions and adventures with someone special. Where do I start?

Signed, Hating Dating

Do I Need A More Independent Partner?

Dear Jeff and Lori

I love my girlfriend and thought I might want to marry her. We’ve been together for 2 years, and she moved in 6 months ago. I feel like we’re always together. I used to love spending time with her, but lately I’ve been getting annoyed that’s she’s always around. We have a small apartment, so it’s hard to have time alone. I love her, but am starting to wonder if I need to be with someone who’s more independent.

Signed, Wanting Space

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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