How Can I Trust Him?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

My husband recently ran into one of his exes and apparently spent some time hanging out with her but never told me (I heard about it from a friend who saw them together). I’m not worried that he’s cheating but am angry that he’s not being transparent. It makes me wonder why he’s hiding the full truth. When I ask him, he says there’s nothing going on and his interactions with her are the same as running into any person he hasn’t seen in a while. We’ve been through this scenario a few times now and I’m still not dealing with it very well. How do I make him understand that he needs to tell me when he sees her?

Signed, Tainted Trust

TrustLori KretNovember 17, 2023Aspen Relationship Instituteinfidelity, trust, transparency, communication

Hurt by wife’s emotional affair

Dear Lori and Jeff,

Recently I found out that my wife has been having an emotional affair. She had been going through some tough times with the passing of her mom. I’ll admit that I wasn’t really available to support her through it as I travel a lot for my job. She has plenty of girlfriends to rely on so I never thought she’d get emotionally attached to another man. I know I need to work on showing up for her more but I’m angry that she didn’t tell me how bad it was getting for her. If she had said she was this unhappy, I would have figured out how to create more time for her. Now I don’t know how we get back from here. We both want our marriage to work but she’s resentful and I’m having a hard time trusting her. She said she has broken off communication with the other guy, but short of constantly checking her phone, I’m not sure how I can believe her.

Sincerely, Trust Busted

Cheater at heart, or just getting it out of his system?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

One of my closest friends is getting married, and I'm fairly certain her fiance is cheating on her. We live in a small town, and there have been multiple rumors of him sleeping with other women. There's even talk that he's trying to get what he can before he ties the knot. I've confronted him, and he denies it. I don't believe him. I've tried bringing it up to my friend in both gentle and direct ways, but she is so in love with him that she won't listen. I'm worried she's making a huge mistake by marrying this guy. What else can I do? Is it really possible that if he is cheating now, he'll become faithful when they marry?

Signed, Suspicious Friend

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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