Dear Lori and Jeff,

My long-term partner has recently started daily microdosing. In his 20s, he used alcohol to what I would consider excess and in his 30s switched primarily to marijuana. He says microdosing is great for his mental health, that it takes the edge off of his anxiety and self-consciousness while allowing him to be more present than pot does. I want to support him in being happy, but don’t like that he’s using daily. It’s hard for me not knowing when he is and isn’t sober and he says if I can’t tell then it shouldn’t matter. Is microdosing everyday okay?

Signed, Psilocybin Skeptic

Worried about wife's drinking

Dear Lori and Jeff:

My wife works from home as a part-time freelancer and takes care of our sixteen month old son. Almost every night when I get home from work, she cracks open a bottle of wine and manages to polish it off by the time we finish dinner. I’ve let her know that I think she’s drinking too much and she says if I had days like hers with the kid and work, I’d be drinking that much too. She swears that she doesn’t drink during the day and I believe her, but our marriage has suffered greatly from a lack of intimacy since our son was born and increased tension when she’s drinking. We saw a couple’s therapist twice but none of the tools they suggested are working. Any ideas?

Signed, Beset by the Bottle

Should I be concerned about his marijuana use?

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband and I met in college and have been together for 13 years. When we started dating we were both proud dirtbaggers, spending as much time as possible climbing and biking, and smoking our share of pot. Over the last half of our relationship, I've mostly left it behind, and really love the life we're building together. We still get outside at every opportunity, I have a great job, we have a nice home, and I'm ready to have kids. I'm worried because my husband still smokes pot almost everyday. He also has a good job, and says smoking is how he likes to unwind. He tells me he's not addicted, but also won't go more than a day or two without it, even though I've asked him to. I've noticed since I've cut back, how checked out he really is when he's high, and worry what it will be like when we have kids if he keeps smoking this much. Should I be concerned about his use?

Signed, Pothead's Partner

My Husband Promised He'll Stop Partying, How Long Do I Wait?

Dear Jeff and Lori,

When my husband and I met we both liked to party. Before we got married, we agreed we wanted to have kids and eventually buy a home. Over the last year, I’ve gotten serious about creating a healthier lifestyle, and about preparing to be a mom. He continues to go out almost every night and doesn’t seem to be planning much for our future. When I talk to him about it, he minimizes how much he goes out, and how much he drinks. He says he wants to enjoy the time he has now before being a dad, and will change when we get pregnant. Should I trust he’ll be able to change when that time comes?

Signed, Ready For The Next Chapter

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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