He's not ready for kids

Dear Jeff and Lori,

My husband has consistently been slow to commit throughout our relationship. He was hesitant to transition from dating to being in a relationship, to move in together and to get engaged. But in retrospect has always acknowledged being glad he did. Before we got married, I told him how important it was to me to get pregnant in the next two years because I want at least two children and am getting older. We’ve now been married a year and he again is resisting moving forward. He says he wants kids but isn’t ready yet. I know once he’s a dad he’s going to be great. He says he loves the life we have now and isn’t ready for the extra responsibility. I keep telling him no one is ever truly ready for their first kid and he just needs to have a little courage. How can I help him be more confident in becoming a dad soon?

Signed, Ready for Baby

Why stay married if spouse is not a full partner?

Dear Lori and Jeff,

I still love my husband but things are going to have to change soon or I don’t think I’ll be able to keep going. While he makes a good living and works hard at his job, that’s about all he does to contribute to the family. I also have a full time job making almost the same as him but I take care of most of the household responsibilities and organize our kids' lives. He constantly finds free time to go skiing or bike riding or be with his friends. I’ve started to ask myself why I stay married when I have a spouse who isn’t really a partner. Can men like my husband really change?

Signed, Full Plate

Husband doesn't support my career dreams

Dear Jeff and Lori,

Shortly after we married, my husband decided he wanted to change careers and I supported him in going back to school. It was a real struggle for me to be the primary earner, manage our home and care for our newborn. We made it through and are now able to afford a comfortable lifestyle on his income. I have always wanted to be an artist and now that we have the security, I’d like to go back to school myself. My husband has been supportive of my painting as a hobby, but he pushes back when I tell him I want to pursue a degree in art. He’s focused on the financial ROI, the costs of having to find childcare and that he doesn’t want any more responsibility at home. I’m becoming more resentful by the day. How do we get through this?

Signed, Artist In Waiting

She Said, He Said: A Relationship advice blog written by Married, Marriage Therapists

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